Relationship Development

I am certainly not an expert, but here is what I know about children on the spectrum, and friendships.

It is very important to ensure the person has typical friends to spend time with, not just people the parents are comfortable with, not just kids from the same therapy programs or classrooms, but kids of different backgrounds. It is important for autistic kids to adapt to change in relationships, yet engage and connect with others over and over again, without fear.

We try to make sure that our boys get at least two social activities with people outside the family every week. This could be anything from a playdate, to respite, a field trip or social skills at the grocery store. There is no reason for me, to consider the possibility that they may not be able to make friends. Why? quite simply, they have been making friends since they were toddlers. The only things that seem to get in the way of that is discrimination, excessive amounts of social trauma, controlling guardians, or not enough advocacy.

As a parent, I find that tolerance without enlightenment, or acceptance without understanding, can be as much of a challenge within the special needs community as it would be assumed to be in society. My experience has been something else; The more proactive the parent is, the more the kiddie will see success, and it will rub off on them.

No matter what type of mom you are, you have probably experienced being told your child has a handicap. I challenge you to see past that handicap and get to know your child, I doubly challenge you to acknowledge that handicaps are fluid, and can be molded into any shape desired. The only real challenge you face from your child is to know when they are really sick, and when you have given up. The thing with giving up, is that it is a relationship dynamic with yourself, and just like the friends your children make, they can come and go. That's just what I think.. because instead of fighting the service providers, instead of fighting the school, instead of fighting an ambiguous label which will take years further for proper social acceptance and understanding to take place.. I focus on the desire for change and growth.

I can't ask for society to move 'faster' to its inevitable conclusions, and I think its wrong to find personal fault with those who operate at the whim of the instruments that fill their day-to-day lives. I truly don't think that fighting the good fight against the world is part of my duties as a mother, but I am pretty certain that my kids are not that different than others, but maybe just maybe it is the ethics of the individual parents that insist on finding individuality in this mass perception of one label fits all.